


You're a constant in my world of changes and chaos.

by lydiamxrtin



Series: Malex week 2020 [5]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:53:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25326451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydiamxrtin/pseuds/lydiamxrtin
Summary: Day 5: Prompt "Do you regret it?"Alex and Michael talk about the events of 2x12 and realise even with all the chaos, they'd rather have each other.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Malex week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828822
Comments: 6
Kudos: 87





	You're a constant in my world of changes and chaos.

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5! Only two more days after this, what a week this has been! I hope you guys have been enjoying the fic!
> 
> In this fic Alex and Forrest never kissed in the finale!
> 
> -AJ.

Alex sat next to Flint's bed, looking down at his brother who was covered in wires and other medical equipment. Flint looked younger, his body looking small and fragile in the white hospital bed. Alex rested his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands. Alex heard a knock on the door, Alex didn't move for a second, trying to muster the energy. Alex looked up to see Michael walking into the room, holding his hat by his waist. 

"How's he doing?" Michael asked, coming to stand at the end of Flint's bed, looking down at him.

"Pretty much the same," Alex said, his voice monotone. Alex leant back in his chair, his shoulder aching from tensing them. "Kyle said he should wake up soon but he's not sure when, then he'll be able to see the real damage," Alex continued. Flint had been in the hospital for a few weeks now, still in a coma after what Max had done at the CrashCon. 

Michael nodded, shifting on his feet. He walked over to the chair opposite Alex, slumping down. Alex kept his eyes on his brother, feeling some of the tension in his body lessen as Michael sat in the room. "Hows...hows Greg?" Michael asked.

Just like that, the tension was back, Alex took a large breath. "Honestly..." He started shaking his head from side to side. "I don't know," He admitted. Greg had been quiet, moving around Alex's house like a lost soul, "He says he's okay but he just killed his father so" Alex bluntly said.

"Your father too," Michael followed up with, his eyes on Alex.

It was true; Alex's dad was dead, Jesse Manes was dead. Alex wasn't sure if it was because of the stress of the events or if something was wrong with him but he didn't feel much about the death. _That wasn't completely true_ Alex told himself, sometimes he looked at Flint; barely alive in a hospital bed, and Greg; conflicted with guilt and shame, and Alex felt a rage in his chest for Jesse Manes, a deep desire to be the one who finally shot him. Yet, there were other days when Alex thought about his father, and he had to use all his will power to fight back tears, Alex refusing to shed tears for his father. "I guess," Alex sighed.

Michael nodded, leaning forward on his chair more as well, "You doing okay?" He asked, his voice quiet and soft. Michael had popped in most days to see Alex, sometimes bring coffee and food. Sometimes he left straight away, sometimes he stayed for a while. Currently, it was the only thing Alex looked forward to in the day, a brief moment of peace amongst the chaos.

Alex thought the question over for a moment, "My dad managed to indoctrinate Flint with his bigoted views and I have no idea If I can undo it," He confessed, the daunting task of having to stop Flint from excusing his fathers wish to kill the aliens still resting heavily on Alex's shoulders, "But that might not even be an issue if Flint never wakes up," Alex said, his voice catching in his throat, almost choking on the words. "And now I have to help create a military cover-up to protect my brother who killed my father," Alex finally finished. "So 'am I doing okay,' isn't the easiest question to answer," Alex looked over at Michael, who was nodding, his face screwed up in concern. Alex wasn't sure how he was. Some times he woke up with a weight on his chest, hundreds of question drowning his mind. Then other days he woke up completely numb, no emotions to be found.

Michael sighed, shaking his head a little, "I'm sorry, for what Max did to Flint-"

"Don't," Alex said. He noticed how harsh his voice sounded, and by the look on Michael's face, he took Alex's comment to heart. Alex took in a deep breath. "It's okay, Max was just protecting himself, his family," Alex said, trying to pull a smile on his face.

"I don't know if he was," Michael confessed. Alex frowned, but the look on Michael's face told Alex right now wasn't the time to question him about that.

Alex gave a sour laugh, "I use to think my life was complicated when I was younger," He said.

Alex leaned back on the chair and looked up at the ceiling. "Do you regret it?" Michael asked. 

"Regret what?" Alex asked, looking back down at Michael.

"Letting me stay in your shed?" Michael asked. Alex frowned, his eyebrows pulled together. Michael stood up from the chair, walking around the room for a second before ending up by the window, looking out. "I mean if you'd never offered it, none of this would have happened, you probably would have had a normal life," Michael said. "If you'd never known about the aliens, your life would have been a hella a lot easier," Michael said, turning around the face Alex, leaning against the windowsill 

"Your right, my life would of be a lot simpler if I didn't know about the aliens, about project Shepard," Alex admitted. Michael gave a small sniffle, nodding his head in agreement."But then I wouldn't have known you," Alex continued, making his voice sound stronger.

Michael gave a short joyless smile. "Small price to pay for a normal life," 

Alex didn't even have to think about the hypothetical situation, he already knew the answer. "A price I wouldn't be willing to pay," He said. Michael looked up from the ground in surprise, and Alex could have sworn Michael's eyes look glassier. Alex gave Michael a smile, probably the first he'd given in days that wasn't forced. There was much about his life that Alex would change, but Michael wasn't one of them. "If I could go back to that day when I found out about the aliens and you, I wouldn't change it," Alex paused, "Not if it meant losing you," He admitted.

Michael gave a small smile, but a smile it was. Michael walked back over to the chair walking past it and deciding to sit in the one right next to Alex, "If anyone can help Flint, it's you," He said, nodding towards the Manes brother lying in the bed.

Alex smiled again, he wasn't sure it was true, but somehow having Michael's faith was enough. Alex realised that he'd been spending the whole time complaining about his own trouble when Michael had enough of his own. "How's Max doing?" Alex asked, looking over at Michael.

Michael thought about the question, how was Max doing? "He's healing, getting check up's with Kyle," Micheal said, trying to keep his voice hopeful, "But uhh," Michael shifted on the seat, straightening his leg and flattening his jeans for a moment. "But I think something's up, what he did to Flint really took a lot out of him," He admitted. Alex gave a thoughtful look at Michael, his eyes full of kindness. Michael didn't really want to get into what was happening with Max right now and Alex seemed to pick up on it, just giving him a small nod.

"And Maria?" Alex asked. 

Michael hadn't seen much of Maria lately after they'd broken up they decided to give each other some space. However, Michael had heard from Isabel how she had been, "She's getting better, still a bit weak but alive so that's what counts," He said, watching as Alex gave a relieved smile. Michael knew that Alex felt guilty about not seeing the rest of the group that much this week, but they all understood. Alex's plate was as full as anyone's else now and even if he didn't want to admit it, or even didn't know right now but he was also grieving. 

"Do you regret it?" Alex suddenly asked, repeating Michael's question from earlier. "Building that bomb?" He asked. "It almost killed you, your whole family, I mean your whole species," Alex said, "Put Maria in the hospital," He said, his voice full of guilt. Michael knew that wasn't Alex's fault, Maria knew it too, the only person that did blame Alex for that was Alex.

"If I wouldn't have built it Helena would have killed you," Michael said. He knew that was unlikely, that it was actually Flint that threatened Alex's life but Michael didn't want to add to Alex's pain right now.

Alex shook his head, "But no one else would have been in danger?" he questioned, "Everyone would have been safe," 

_ Expect you _ , Michael thought. Michael thought about deflecting the question like he normally would but Alex deserved more than that, he deserved the truth. Michael took in a large breath. "When Helena asked me to build her bomb I didn't even ask what it was for, because I didn't care," He said, looking over at Alex, "I just wanted you safe," Alex seemed to examine Michael's face like he was searching to see if Michael was lying. "So in case I'm not making myself clear, no I don't regret it," Michael said with a small smile. "No matter how crazy and complex we make each other's life we'd both rather have the other in it, how romantic we are," Michael joked, gaining a small laugh from Alex. The pair fell silent again.

"I don't think we make each other's lives more complicated," Alex abruptly said, he leaned forward on his knee's looking over at Michael. "I think we've both got complex lives but..." Alex seemed to be thinking over his words like he always did. "...If anything you make my life more relaxed?"

Michael gave a small laugh "Did you forget I got you kidnapped?" He said, 

Alex looked over at Michael, a playful smile on his face. "That was technically my family's fault," He joked. The smile dropped from Alex's face a little, causing Michael to lean forward with concern. "But...everything that's gone down this year, even when I was a kid, I don't think I'd gotten through it without you," Alex confessed, keeping his eyes down facing the floor.

"Neither would I," Michael agreed, "I know I haven't always made it easy but you've always been there for me, which I've never thanked you for," Michael said. Michael had accused Alex of walking away a lot; which was true, but Michael had come to realise that most of the time he was the one pushing him away. Yet Alex was always willing to help, even at great cost to himself.

"You don't have to thank me," Alex said with a simple smile. Alex looked back over at his brother, then at the hospital window, seemingly watching the sun as it started to set. Michael couldn't help but notice how the golden light made his eyes look like a dark copper. 

Even with everything that had happened over the last week, after everything Flint had done to him, Alex was still here, sat by his bedside. That was just who Alex was; kind to the core. Michael opened his mouth to speak but the words didn't come forward. It had been a few weeks since Michael had heard Alex sign at the Wildpony, since he'd heard him sing about them. Michael had told Isabel that Alex and he had needed some time and it was true, he had just ended things with Maria and need to process all of that. However, over the last few days, Michael had found he'd run out of excuses not to be happy. "Remember your song?" Michael finally managed to say, his voice quiet. Alex looked over, his face a picture of surprise, he nodded. "When you asked if I'd come home?" Michael continued. Alex gave another nod. Michael looked over at Alex. Michael knew what he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure he could. They'd been down this road so many times and each time it led to pain and hurt, and Michael wondered how many chances they would get at this before their chances were up. They were different now, Michael told himself, they'd grown and worked and Michael hopped with everything he had that it was enough. "I think I'm ready to," Michael finally said. Alex's eyes grew wide, he blinked a few times, "If you are," Michael asked, still not sure where exactly Alex was. Alex just looked at Michael, his face unreadable. Michael started to feel regret building in his chest, getting so dense he almost choked on it.

A smile grew on Alex's face, causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle like they did when his smile was a reflection of true happiness, it was then Michael noticed how waterly they were, "Yeah, yeah I am," He said. Michael blew out a breath of relief, his own smile now matching Alex's. Alex gave a yawn sitting back on his chair. Part of Michael wanted to tell Alex to go home and get some rest but he knew it was pointless. Instead, Michael dragged his chair closer to Alex's until they were side by side touching. Michael got as comfortable in the chair as he could, leaning back. Michael closed his eyes, the only sound in the room was the steady beeping of the machines. It was then Michael felt a weight on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked down to see Alex had rested his head on Michael's shoulders, his eyes closed. Michael moved his arm closes to Alex, wrapping it around his shoulder, playing with the fabric of Alex's sweater. Alex settled his head back against Michael's shoulder, Michael planted a soft kiss onto of Alex's head before gently resting his head on Alex's. Michael closed his eyes as he felt Alex peacefully breathing behind him. Michael had many regrets in his life, and he was sure Alex had them too, but Michael could say with certainty that he never, and would never regret having Alex Manes in his life.


End file.
